Rochdale’s Chichester Street tip could soon be flinging open its gates at 6am and shutting them at 10pm, in a bold new plan to give residents more opportunities to throw things away while staring into the void.
Waste contractor SUEZ has applied to the council to extend the site’s daily opening hours, citing the need to ferry recyclable materials to a brand-new recycling wonderland in Bolton, because nothing says “efficient waste management” like driving your bin contents across Greater Manchester at dawn.
The tip, nestled in the scenic industrial quarter east of town, will not see any “intensification of operations,” according to SUEZ, which is corporate speak for “nobody’s getting paid extra for this.” Instead, the longer hours will help drivers avoid rush hour, so they can spend quality time sitting in different traffic jams instead.
A SUEZ spokesperson said the extended hours would “provide flexibility” for waste transportation, which locals have interpreted as “we forgot to plan this properly and now Bolton’s involved.”
Environmental impacts are expected to be minimal, as the only thing more dead than landfill space is public enthusiasm for co-mingled recyclables. The company also boasted that no one has complained about the site in the past three years, although it’s unclear if anyone knew it was still open in the first place.
A council insider said, “It’s part of our new strategy: keep the tip open longer so residents can dispose of everything the cost of living crisis hasn’t already taken.”
Local residents are reportedly thrilled at the idea of being able to drop off their broken dreams and old IKEA shelving units after tea, with one Rochdalian saying, “Now I can finally recycle my ex’s DVD collection and my sense of optimism, without taking a day off work.”
The Rochdale Times will bring updates from down the M62, where a ceremonial 9:58pm bin toss is already being planned to mark the occasion, Mike has been asked to put in extra hours.
