Motorists have been urged not to park in Rochdale’s cycle lanes after the planning and transport department has quietly redesignated them as official docking facilities for dinghies, describing the move as “a logical next step in sustainable transport”.
The controversial scheme was unveiled without fanfare on Monday morning, when residents discovered miniature pontoons, mooring ropes and life rings installed along stretches of the town centre. Confused cyclists arriving for work found themselves repeatedly asked to “keep left of the incoming tide”, despite the nearest sizeable body of water remaining several miles away.
A council spokesperson, speaking reporting from down the M62, insisted the project was based on “future-proofing”. “Climate resilience is important,” they explained. “When the sea eventually reaches Rochdale, we’ll be the only town in Greater Manchester with ready-to-use dinghy infrastructure.”
The first official user was local resident Barry Holt, who proudly tied his inflatable dinghy to a lamp post before popping into Subway “for provisions”. Witnesses said he then spent twenty minutes pretending to navigate imaginary rapids around a parked mobility scooter.
Businesses have embraced the initiative. One café has installed a “sailors only” breakfast menu, while a nearby sports shop has reported unprecedented demand for oars among people who have never knowingly been on a boat.
Not everyone is convinced. Cycling campaigners argue the lanes were originally intended for bicycles, although they admitted the dinghies had been considerably more visible than most cyclists.
At the time of publication, council workers were repainting road markings to include tiny anchors, while parking wardens were attempting to issue a fixed penalty notice to a swan for overstaying at a two-hour mooring bay.
Reporting from down the M62 where life is bliss.
