Bee Network’s industrial action to be rebranded as “spontaneous cardio challenge”
Public transport users in Rochdale have once again been thrown under the proverbial double-decker, as large swathes of the Bee Network announce yet another round of industrial action, prompting thousands of passengers to rediscover the age-old art of walking angrily in the rain.
Bus staff from First, Metroline and Stagecoach are due to down their handbrakes from 30 September to 2 October, with Unite also threatening six bonus days of chaos in October, because nothing says “seasonal depression” like a cancelled 471 and a broken umbrella.
Two-thirds of Bee Network buses will vanish from the roads during the strikes, presumably to spend quality time in depots, reflecting on their existence and collecting rust. Services to schools will also be disrupted, leaving teenagers with no choice but to arrive late, bedraggled, and fully justified in blaming society.
TfGM has responded with its usual soothing panic, reminding everyone to “check before you travel”, “allow extra time”, and “just give up and work from home if you’ve still got any annual leave left”.
To soften the blow, stranded bus passengers will be allowed to use their tickets on trams and trains, all of which will now be operating at roughly sardine-can density. The entire Metrolink network is bracing for impact, with officials deploying extra deodorant dispensers and stern-faced ticket inspectors with degrees in crowd management.
Tragically, the only services running as normal are the free bus in Manchester city centre (used exclusively by lost tourists and rogue pigeons) and the Bolton-to-Wigan route, which nobody in Rochdale has ever willingly taken.
Danny Vaughan, TfGM’s Chief Network Officer and part-time crisis counsellor, said: “We know this is disruptive. Again. But look, we’ve laminated the timetable and everything.”
The dispute, like most transport-based existential crises, revolves around pay, conditions, and the creeping realisation that driving a packed double-decker through a sea of teenage vape clouds probably deserves more than minimum wage and a commemorative keyring.
Talks between unions and operators remain ongoing, mostly involving intense passive-aggressive email chains and biscuits left uneaten in breakout rooms.
Reporting from down the M62, we at the Rochdale Times recommend Rochdale commuters invest in stout walking shoes, a flask of despair, and a large cardboard sign reading: “NOT AGAIN.”
