In a move described by insiders as “bold”, “confusing”, and “legally adventurous”, the Rochdale Times has today appointed disgraced former BBC newsreader Huw Edwards as its new chief editor, effective immediately or as soon as someone finds the office keys.
The announcement was made via a handwritten notice Blu-Tacked to the office window somewhere just off the M62, confirming that Edwards will “bring decades of experience in reading things off a screen” to the struggling publication, which until last week was being run out of a Vauxhall Corsa and a mildly haunted Dell laptop by a single freelance reporter.
Edwards, who recently stated he intends to “produce my own account” of events surrounding his very public downfall, said he was “delighted to take on a new editorial challenge” and promised to usher in “a new era of rigorous journalism, selective accountability, and podcasts that will absolutely be finished this time”.
Sources close to the appointment confirmed that the interview process consisted of a single question, “Can you use ChatGPT?” to which Edwards reportedly replied, “I once read the autocue during a royal funeral,” securing him the role on the spot.
A spokesperson for the Rochdale Times, reporting from down the M62, defended the decision. “We believe in second chances,” they said, while quietly deleting several previous articles about second chances. “Also, he answered the phone, which already puts him ahead of most applicants.”
Staff within the newsroom, currently one freelance columnist, a man called Mike who fixes the printer, and a cat that may or may not be on payroll, have expressed cautious optimism. “If he can get the stapler working, he’s already outperforming management,” one source noted, while trying to fax something into a kettle.
Edwards is expected to launch a new editorial direction, including a weekly column titled “What Really Happened (According To Me)”, alongside a flagship investigative podcast tentatively named “Please Wait While I Challenge That Claim”, which insiders say will feature “at least three episodes and a dramatic pause”.
Meanwhile, readers have been reassured that the Rochdale Times will continue its core coverage of local issues, including potholes, pigeons with attitude problems, and the ongoing mystery of who keeps moving the bins outside Number 42.
At press time, Edwards was said to be settling into his new role, reportedly staring intently at a blank Word document while whispering, “This time, I control the narrative,” as the office Wi-Fi disconnected itself out of what can only be described as professional instinct.
