Motorists in Littleborough may soon be able to fill up on steak bakes as well as unleaded, thanks to a daring plan to replace a car wash with a Greggs. Because nothing says “roadside convenience” quite like a sausage roll balanced precariously on a dashboard.
MFG, the operators of Littleborough Service Station on Church Street, have submitted a planning application to Rochdale Council proposing to demolish the existing jet wash bay and erect a 70-square-metre “food-to-go pod”, complete with Greggs branding, a bin store, and enough parking to fit approximately five Greggs customers and one disgruntled delivery van.
“The site has operated as a filling station since 1988,” said planning consultants JMS, in a statement that tried very hard to sound like it wasn’t about adding pastry to petrol. They claim the addition will “enhance the retail experience”, which is developer-speak for “people might stop for a vegan sausage roll and impulse-buy a packet of air fresheners”.
The proposed Greggs will also provide flexible jobs, particularly for locals seeking early morning employment and the unique joy of smelling like sausage every day until retirement.
The scheme boasts two staff parking spaces, two for customers, and a single disabled bay, umbers that suggest either overwhelming optimism or a complete misunderstanding of how popular Greggs is. Meanwhile, the bin store will be fully enclosed, likely to avoid what planners delicately call “pasties in the wind scenario”.
Critics might argue that removing a jet wash during the golden age of mud-splattered SUVs is madness, but supporters point to the real human need: fuelling up on pastry-based breakfast items at 3am on a Wednesday.
According to Greggs, there is “an identified need” for baked goods in this specific location. Local historians may later refer to this as The Great Littleborough Pastypocalypse Avoidance Plan.
Whether this marks a bold new future for hybrid fuelling (cars and cholesterol simultaneously) or simply a slow descent into full-time roadside grazing, one thing is clear: Littleborough may soon be the only place in Britain where your car gets dirtier after you visit the petrol station.
