Heywood narrowly avoided full ecological collapse this weekend after more than 9,000 people gathered to welcome a herd of cardboard animals and the climate guilt they galloped in on.
The event, dubbed The Herds, saw a parade of life-sized giraffes, antelope, lions and monkeys made from recycled plywood and hope, trundling into Queen’s Park like a GCSE art project gone rogue. The spectacle is part of Manchester International Festival’s attempt to confront climate change with interpretive jazz and gorillas on sticks, because nothing says “planetary peril” like a lion made from cereal boxes.
The cardboard creatures, which started their 20,000km journey in the Democratic Republic of the Congo for reasons still unclear to immigration officials, arrived in Heywood just after 7pm to rapturous applause, confused toddlers, and one elderly man shouting “Are these on the menu?”
“It was incredible,” said Councillor Tricia Ayrton, while trying to shoo a papier-mâché monkey out of her car. “Seeing so many people come together to marvel at a plywood giraffe reminds us all of the urgent need to act on climate change. And also that we should maybe do something about that pothole on Bridge Street.”
Crowds were treated to a live set by Riot Jazz, a nine-piece band described as ‘aggro-jazz’, which sounds like Miles Davis having a row with a kettle. As the music blared and the herds mingled with confused ducks by the lake, children squealed with delight while parents quietly Googled “how to explain climate collapse without ruining bedtime”.
Meanwhile, Heywood’s cafes and bars reported a surge in footfall, with one local chip shop selling out of both food and small talk by 8pm. “It were mad,” said Denise from Fryday’s. “We’ve not seen queues like that since we ran out of curry sauce in 2011.”
The Climate Co-Operators marquee was also popular, offering everything from reusable toothbrushes to hand-wringing, and a helpful pamphlet titled How To Save The World With Only Mild Inconvenience.
Next year, organisers hope to return with a herd of reusable sea turtles and a brass band made entirely from reclaimed Brexit leaflets. Until then, residents of Heywood are urged not to feed the cardboard animals, and to consider swapping their 4x4s for a unicycle made from lentils.
