The town of Rochdale is officially one stuffed crust short of a happy meal, as its beloved Pizza Hut on Sandbrook Park is among 68 UK branches set to close after the chain’s latest financial dough-based disaster. Locals are now left wondering where else they’ll be able to enjoy unlimited salad, tepid garlic breadsticks, and the thrill of mild regret after a third helping of dessert pizza.
Already marked as “temporarily closed”, the restaurant industry’s version of being gently wheeled into a hospice, Rochdale’s branch joins six other doomed outposts across Greater Manchester, including Ashton, Bolton, Oldham, Urmston, Wigan and Manchester Fort. The closures follow Pizza Hut’s UK operator, DC London Pie (yes, really), entering administration less than a year after buying the chain in what we now know was a decision fuelled by optimism and possibly fumes from the stuffed crust oven.
The brand has now been partially rescued by American conglomerate Yum! Brands, whose portfolio includes KFC and Taco Bell, meaning they’ve essentially acquired the full set of British late-night regrets.
While the Rochdale site prepares to shuffle off this mortal pepperoni, the company insists this is all about “safeguarding guest experience”, a phrase that now apparently includes taking away your only local source of hot cookie dough and unlimited Pepsi.
The Sandbrook Pizza Hut had its last major glow-up in 2015, when it was transformed into an American diner-style venue with mood lighting and chairs that could withstand a thousand children’s birthday parties. Now, those leather booths lie empty, their only occupant the ghost of a thousand birthday balloons and one leftover breadstick.
HMRC has reportedly filed a winding-up petition, because nothing says “party’s over” like the taxman knocking on the door of a pepperoni-scented ruin.
Locals expressed a range of emotions, from “mild disappointment” to “where am I supposed to take the kids when it’s raining and I don’t want to speak to them?” Others reminisced about simpler times when a trip to Pizza Hut meant fizzy drinks, unregulated salad toppings and watching someone try to eat pasta with a spoon.
With Rochdale’s only dine-in Pizza Hut vanishing faster than a slice of Meat Feast on a lads’ night out, there are rumours circulating of possible replacements. Early frontrunners include “yet another vape shop”, “pop-up artisan taxidermy”, and a car park for people waiting to pick someone up from B&M.
Truly, the end of an era, and quite possibly the last time anyone in town will see a pepperoni-stuffed crust without tears in their eyes.
