In a bold move to outpace the extinction of charm, OMC Rochdale has announced it will cease selling new passenger cars and instead devote its Castleton site entirely to the worship of Ford Transits.
The dealership, formerly a place where families chose vehicles with cup holders and dreams, will become a holy site for white van men and mid-tier tradespeople. From October 6, the Rochdale location will flog only new commercial vans and second-hand passenger cars, a subtle way of saying “the good stuff’s off to Oldham, enjoy your leftover Mondeos.”
General Manager Jason Edwards said, with all the enthusiasm of a man preparing for his own death, “From October 6, OMC Rochdale will only sell new Ford commercial vehicles and used passenger vehicles.” Presumably he was blinking out “send help” in Morse code.
The move will also see the site’s beloved hoop fencing removed, a tragic blow to local youths who’ve relied on it for decades of casual loitering. In its place, a 2.1-metre black steel weldmesh fence and an automatic gate will be installed, creating the aesthetic of a prison camp with slightly better finance options.
Documents submitted to Rochdale Council claim that the changes will have “minor impact” on the nearby Conservation Area. Minor, presumably, in the same way a wrecking ball has a “minor” effect on a porcelain doll factory. The dealership, built in the 1990s, a golden age of brown carpets and nicotine-stained optimism, will now display commercial vans nestled behind steel bars and flower beds, the latter presumably planted in memory of taste.
Despite being just outside the official Conservation Area, OMC’s site borders it on three sides, meaning it’s now essentially the ugly neighbour with windchimes and a topless sunbather.
Local reaction has ranged from “what dealership?” to “do they sell tyres?” A petition to rename the site “Transit-on-the-Wold” has received no signatures, but did start a heated WhatsApp thread in the local Neighbourhood Watch.
Meanwhile, OMC’s Oldham site will inherit the new Ford passenger cars, a sure sign that Oldham has won whatever bet was being played behind closed doors at Ford HQ.
We’ll bring more updates from down the M62 once the first ritual Transit sacrifice is complete and the van gods have been suitably appeased as we need a transit with a sat-nav.
