Schools in Rochdale fling their doors back open next week, a relief to parents who have spent six weeks realising that childcare is really just unpaid shift work with fewer toilet breaks. Until then, here are five ways to distract the kids before you legally abandon them back into the arms of the education system.
1. Team Karting
For the parent who secretly wants to see their offspring discover mortality at 40mph, Team Karting offers Rochdale’s answer to Silverstone, only with more screaming. Kids as young as six can be strapped into petrol-powered karts and sent hurtling around the track while Dad shouts, “Take the inside line!” as though Lewis Hamilton will be scouting the Ensor Mill industrial estate. Safety is apparently a “priority,” which is reassuring when you’ve just handed your child a crash helmet that smells like last week’s stag do.
2. Springfield Park
If you prefer your children to risk tetanus rather than whiplash, Springfield Park is ideal. It boasts Rochdale’s largest green space, a lake of questionable depth, and a miniature steam railway that mostly runs on crushed parental dreams. Families can also enjoy football, cricket, and watching other people’s kids crying on the swings while you wonder why you didn’t just stay at home with Disney+.
3. Tenpin Rochdale
For those who enjoy watching their offspring cry in fluorescent lighting, Tenpin Rochdale offers bowling and laser quest. It’s the perfect place to destroy family bonds by arguing over who crossed the foul line and whether Grandma’s bumpers are “cheating.” Once tempers flare, you can resolve disputes the Rochdale way: by shooting each other in a dark room with laser guns until someone sulks into a plate of nachos.
4. Rochdale Pioneers Museum
If your child’s idea of fun is learning about 19th-century bulk oat distribution, then the Rochdale Pioneers Museum will blow their tiny minds. This is where the modern Co-op was born, proving that Rochdale has contributed more to the world than Greggs and suspicious fires. Kids can marvel at exhibits such as “old weighing scales” and “a shop that only sold flour and misery.” Best of all, it’s free, which is handy, because after bowling, karting, and feeding them, you’ll be broke.
5. The Square Gallery
For families seeking culture without leaving town, Rochdale offers The Square Gallery, basically some pictures nailed up outside the Town Hall. Parents can pretend their child’s observation that one piece “looks like a bum” is actually profound art criticism. With seating thoughtfully provided, you can sit back, contemplate local creativity, and wonder whether letting your kids run off into traffic would count as an “interactive installation.”
