Britain First and anti-fascists take to the streets to exchange strongly worded chants and throw coloured smoke at pigeons.
In a dazzling display of British democracy and recreational shouting, Manchester city centre transformed into a vibrant arena of mutual loathing this Saturday as hundreds gathered to either demand “remigration” or shout “Nazi scum” at those demanding it.
Britain First, the political equivalent of an angry Facebook comment in human form, rallied between 500 and 600 of their most sunburned followers outside Piccadilly Station, for a ‘March for Remigration’, an event which inexplicably sounds both like ethnic cleansing and a Ryanair promotion.
Meanwhile, on the opposite pavement and moral compass, Stand Up To Racism staged a counter-protest, armed with banners, drums, and a passionate belief that shouting at racists might somehow make them less racist. The anti-fascist crowd was smaller but considerably better moisturised.
A thick police presence, roughly equivalent to the cast of a low-budget war film, formed a human Brexit border between the two factions. Officers have reportedly been instructed to intervene only in the event of violence, excessive swearing, or spontaneous renditions of Rule Britannia.
Observers noted an early exchange of coloured smoke bombs, which one participant described as “a bit like Bonfire Night, but with more hate.” There were chants for Tommy Robinson, which caused several pigeons to leave the city permanently.
Greater Manchester Police issued a statement saying they were “respecting everyone’s right to protest peacefully, while secretly wishing everyone had just gone to Greggs instead.”
The march progressed towards St Peter’s Square, where Britain First were expected to make speeches using words like “heritage,” “invasion,” and “you people,” while Stand Up To Racism planned to bang drums very loudly until no one could hear them.
Local residents responded in traditional Mancunian fashion by rolling their eyes and muttering, “Not this bollocks again.”
A council spokesperson said, “We support the right to protest, but we do wish they’d all piss off to Bolton.”
Manchester’s street cleaners are expected to begin scrubbing shame and leaflets off the pavements shortly. No arrests have been confirmed, although several reputations have reportedly been detained.
