Squash fans were left bewildered this week after Rochdale momentarily became the centre of the professional squash universe, presumably due to a clerical error or broken sat-nav.
The inaugural Darren Lee Ogden Memorial Tournament somehow lured players from as far afield as Korea, Australia, Uganda, and Guyana, proving once and for all that if you host a tournament with world ranking points, even Rochdale can start resembling Monaco with damp weather and more Greggs.
Local squash enthusiast and wildcard entrant George Bailey, 20, drew top-seeded Australian David Turner in the first round and was swiftly reminded that dreams are dangerous things. Bailey put up a valiant fight before succumbing to Turner, whose world ranking of 200 apparently corresponds to the number of hours he’s spent actually winning things.
Meanwhile, Rochdale Squash Club head coach and part-time international squash warlock Lewis Doughty, once ranked 150th in the world and now 3rd in the queue for toasties at the club bar, beat Korean contender Jaejin Yoo in the final. Yoo is ranked world number 600, which is coincidentally also the number of potholes encountered on the A58 en route to the venue.
“Seeing local talent go toe-to-toe with the globe’s squash elite proves Rochdale is on the right path,” Doughty said, before politely declining to define what the path is or whether it leads out of Greater Manchester.
The club now finds itself in the enviable position of having actually hosted an international sporting event that didn’t end in a car park punch-up or rogue meat raffle. Organisers are hoping to capitalise on the success by bidding to host the 2036 Olympic Games, or at the very least, a bake sale with decent attendance.
“It’s a proud moment for the town,” said one local man. “We haven’t had this much attention since that bloke tried to launch a pigeon sanctuary in the abandoned Woolworths.”
Reports suggest that several players are already considering returning to Rochdale, though mainly to retrieve luggage they left behind in a desperate rush to escape.
