In a bold attempt to boost the night-time economy and reduce the number of people sobbing into their kebabs at Manchester bus stops, a new 24-hour pilot bus service has been launched connecting Rochdale, Middleton and Castleton with the city centre.
The new hourly night service on the 17 route will run Thursdays through Saturdays, shuttling partygoers, shift workers, and the odd lost student back to their respective boroughs, whether they want to or not.
Previously, the last bus to Rochdale was scheduled just moments after last orders, with the next one arriving sometime around when your alarm clock is going off. Now, thanks to buses running every hour through the dead of night, residents can leave the club and still get home in time for Loose Women.
“It’s a game changer,” said Cllr Neil Emmott, possibly while sipping a lukewarm espresso from a JD Wetherspoons cup. “People can now enjoy an evening out without worrying about sleeping in a phone box or marrying someone from Oldham.”
Transport Commissioner Vernon Everitt added, “This will connect Rochdale and Manchester in ways previously only dreamt of by people who’ve tried walking it after a night out.”
A £2 ticket to avoid a £60 Uber
At just £2 a ride, the night bus is being hailed as an economical alternative to spending a fortune on surge-priced Ubers, or the classic Rochdale gamble: climbing into a Vauxhall Zafira driven by a man called Gaz who says he “used to be a taxi driver before the incident.”
The service will also benefit those working antisocial hours, like NHS staff, bartenders, and extremely dedicated street preachers. One nurse told us, “It’s nice knowing I can get home safely after a 12-hour shift saving lives, rather than playing bus roulette or remortgaging my house for a taxi.”
Future plans: Metrolink, teleportation, and possibly jetpacks
This move is part of Greater Manchester’s grand vision for the Bee Network, a utopian fantasy in which 90% of citizens live within waddling distance of public transport. By 2030, planners hope that anyone with legs or wheels will be no more than 400m away from a bus, tram, or roaming musical theatre troupe that doubles as transport.
Meanwhile, Rochdale Council continues to dream of Metrolink extensions to Middleton and Heywood, a project currently scheduled for completion just after the sun explodes.
Still, the new service has given residents hope. “I never thought I’d see the day,” said local man Barry from Castleton. “I can now drink until 3am, get a lukewarm pasty, and still catch a bus home, it’s like living in London, but with more potholes and fewer foxes.”
Coming soon: live chats with bored officers
From October, night bus users will also be able to use the Bee Network app to chat directly with TravelSafe officers, presumably about anything from safety concerns to existential dread. Early trials suggest most messages so far are just late-night rants about how “buses were better in the ’90s.”
Reporting from down the M62, we’ll be testing the service ourselves by staggering into a 3:42am bus wearing only one shoe and a sense of regret. Full review to follow.
