What was supposed to be a joyous day of bells, sticks, and people pretending to enjoy Morris dancing has ended in tragedy, as Whitworth’s Rushcart celebrations were cancelled after a woman in her 90s was found unresponsive outside The Ashcroft.
The annual event, famous for clog dancing, coconut shaking and confusing anyone born after 1957, was abruptly called off when emergency services arrived at the venue just before 6:30am. Sadly, the woman was pronounced dead at the scene. Police confirmed there were no suspicious circumstances, although several witnesses reported the Coconut Dancers looking “particularly haunted” during their pre-processional pint.
The Whitworth Tourism and Leisure Committee, whose year had presumably been building up to this moment like a Bake-Off contestant nervously icing a Battenberg, issued a solemn statement: “Due to an incident outside The Ashcroft, we have made the decision to cancel today’s event. Thank you for your understanding.”
The Ashcroft, normally known for weddings, birthday brawls and the odd clairvoyant night, echoed the sentiment, confirming the cancellation on social media. Several brides due to view the venue reportedly mistook the somber Morris men for part of an elaborate historical re-enactment.
For the uninitiated, the Rushcart tradition involves carting decorative bundles of rushes around town, accompanied by people in folkloric getup, possibly to ward off evil spirits or just the relentless creep of modernity.
This year’s parade was to feature Whitworth’s own 16 Rushcart Dancers, the Broom Girls (who we’re told wield brooms for reasons nobody wants to fully explain), Bacup’s Britannia Coconut Dancers, Samba Dance, Thieving Magpie, and the AzKabile Tribe, a line-up that sounds like Glastonbury curated by your nan.
The decision to cancel was met with disappointment, mild confusion, and at least one Morris man reportedly refusing to take off his ankle bells “out of protest or possibly forgetfulness.”
Organisers have said they hope the event will return next year, providing there are no further tragic interruptions, or worse, a TikTok trend that makes Morris dancing cool.
Reporting from down the M62, we offer our condolences and also a quiet nod to the brave souls forced to explain to their children why the people in sashes and straw hats were being sent home early without their complimentary pork pies.
