Rochdale AFC are preparing for the sort of gruelling journey usually reserved for SAS recruits, as they face newly promoted Truro City, a team most Dale fans previously assumed was a Cornish ice cream brand.
The 700-mile round trip will see supporters spending longer on the coach than the players will on the pitch, with some already checking whether the RAC covers emotional breakdowns as well as mechanical ones.
Manager Jimmy McNulty, fresh from winning Manager of the Month, is said to be optimistic. “It’s only Cornwall,” he told reporters, “not Mordor. If Frodo could get a ring to Mount Doom, Mani Dieseruvwe can probably score past a part-time roofer from Penzance.”
Dieseruvwe himself has been in blistering form, banging in goals like a man who’s been promised free scones with clotted cream for every brace. His Player of the Month award will apparently be displayed proudly until Rochdale’s inevitable run of three straight defeats, at which point it’ll quietly disappear into the club’s storage cupboard alongside the VHS player and last year’s optimism.
Truro City, meanwhile, are currently second from bottom, with one win, a draw, and a fanbase smaller than Rochdale’s away following. Their new stadium holds 3,600, although only 12 people in Cornwall are aware they have a football team, so space should not be an issue.
Following their trek to Cornwall, The Dale return midweek to face Blackburn Rovers U21s in the National League Cup, a competition so prestigious even Google struggles to recognise it.
One travelling fan summed up the journey perfectly: “I don’t know what’ll break first, my spirit, my backside, or the coach’s suspension.”
Reporting from down the M62, we can only wish the lads luck. And also a satnav.
