Rochdale has been chosen to host this year’s GREENFLEET Live! event, a roadshow dedicated to reducing emissions and raising the collective cholesterol of sustainability managers who can’t resist a buffet at the town hall.
The event, held at the freshly tarted-up Rochdale Town Hall on October 2, promises to bring together experts in fleet management, transport decarbonisation, and the art of wearing lanyards while nodding earnestly.
Councillor Tricia Ayrton, deputy leader and professional fan of LED lightbulbs, said:
“It’s a wonderful opportunity to show that Rochdale is at the cutting edge of environmental innovation. We’ve swapped some diesel vans for electric ones, and the town hall now glows like Blackpool Illuminations thanks to the LEDs. Future generations will thank us, provided they’re not underwater.”
The council boasts 29 electric vehicles, which are available for official business, bin lorry test drives, and occasionally drag races up Spotland Road when nobody from Manchester is watching. They’re also trialling bin wagons powered by Hydrotreated Vegetable Oil (HVO), which according to scientists reduces CO₂ emissions by 90% but increases the risk of your streets smelling faintly of chip fat.
Event organiser Colin Boyton praised Rochdale’s environmental efforts, saying:
“When we pick venues for GREENFLEET Live! we look for towns leading the way in sustainability. Rochdale was the obvious choice: it’s got electric cars, a refurbished building, and just enough self-righteousness to power a small wind farm.”
Visitors will be able to test drive eco-friendly vehicles, attend lectures about how diesel is basically Satan, and take guided tours of the town hall’s new “air source heat pump”, which has been described by one local resident as “a fancy fan that costs more than my house.”
The event is expected to be a huge success, with experts predicting that if Rochdale continues at this pace, the borough could achieve carbon neutrality by 2084, or earlier, if they persuade residents to stop burning old sofas in their gardens.
