The Venus Lounge in Heywood has stunned critics, confused geography teachers, and permanently traumatised the Greater Manchester culinary elite by being crowned Manchester’s Asian Restaurant of the Year, presumably for managing to serve decent food without needing a small mortgage or a side of foam.
The 9th Annual Asian International Restaurant Awards, held at the glitzy Deansgate Hotel (because nothing says “authentic Asian cuisine” like £15 cocktails and £50 parking), saw Venus Lounge take home the prize despite being located in Heywood, a town traditionally known more for grooming gangs than gastronomy.
The Lounge, opened in 2017 by people who apparently didn’t get the memo about Heywood’s reputation for deep-fried everything, claims it won by “working tirelessly to create a welcoming environment.” Locals say this was mostly achieved by not shouting at people for asking for extra poppadoms.
“This is our first time entering the awards,” a spokesperson said, “and somehow we beat places with fusion menus and names that sound like yoga retreats.” They went on to thank their chef, their staff, and “the miracle that no one has yet tried to use our naan bread as a flotation device in the Roch.”
The Venus Lounge faced stiff competition from over 100 other restaurants and takeaways, all judged by a panel of professionals with tongues so burnt from years of taste-testing vindaloos that most things just “tasted nice”.
Among other winners were Akbar’s of Manchester, who took home the National Asian Restaurant of the Year title, and Royal Nawaab Pyramid in Stockport, which won Best Buffet Restaurant after proving it’s possible to survive the all-you-can-eat crowd without resorting to tasers.
The Rochdale Times spoke to one disoriented food blogger who ended up in Heywood looking for “Manchester’s best Asian food” only to realise they’d crossed three emotional borders and a metaphorical time zone. “I thought I’d been kidnapped,” she said, “but then I tried the chicken tikka and honestly… fair play.”
Reporting from down the M62, we can confirm that Venus Lounge’s victory is being hailed as a triumph for taste, tenacity, and geographical confusion, and proof that Heywood can indeed produce something award-winning that isn’t a viral video of a car on bricks.
Here’s to many more years of naan-induced euphoria, increasingly spicy award titles, and confused Mancunians wondering why they’ve ended up in Heywood again.
