Public advised to remain calm as buses mysteriously return to doing bus things
In a dramatic turn of events that has left commuters confused, optimistic, and slightly suspicious, most buses across Rochdale and Greater Manchester are now expected to run on time this week, a move being hailed as “utterly baffling” by seasoned passengers.
Unions representing staff at First, Metroline and Stagecoach have suspended industrial action after what has been described as an intense weekend of negotiations, spreadsheets, and several thousand cups of lukewarm tea. The strikes, originally planned for this week and most of October, have been paused while members vote on new offers, presumably involving slightly better pay, marginally improved toilet access, and one (1) fresh high-vis vest per decade.
“It’s a miracle,” said one shocked Rochdale commuter at a bus stop that hasn’t seen a 471 since the last Ice Age. “I came out expecting to walk to work, cry, or both, and now the bus is actually turning up? What’s next, a functioning rail timetable?”
The Mayor of Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham, said he was “pleased” by the breakthrough and confirmed he had “worked tirelessly over the weekend”, which is believed to mean he sent a stern WhatsApp message and made eye contact with a union rep for a full 14 seconds.
Burnham added, “Bus drivers deserve a better deal. But also, the Bee Network budget is made entirely of optimism and elastic bands, so we’re trying to be fair without triggering a regional bankruptcy.”
TfGM’s Chief Network Officer Danny Vaughan, who recently added “Crisis Whisperer” to his email signature, urged passengers to still check before they travel, in case the buses change their minds or are frightened away by a stiff breeze.
Metroline staff are still mulling over their offer, which means some uncertainty lingers, but the general mood across Greater Manchester is one of cautious optimism, mild disbelief, and a lingering sense that it’s probably safer to just walk anyway.
Reporting from down the M62, we at the Rochdale Times say: enjoy the buses while you can, folks, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that normal service is only ever resumed temporarily
