A local indie tribute band from Middleton has found itself dangerously close to actual fame, after Wembley officials accidentally mistook them for a reformed Oasis with particularly good skin care routines.
The MiddleTones, a band consisting of four blokes who’ve mastered the subtle art of playing songs you’ve already heard better by someone else, were drafted in to warm up audiences at Wembley for the long-anticipated Oasis reunion tour. So convincing was their performance that several confused fans began sobbing, thinking they’d somehow arrived early and witnessed Oasis themselves playing “I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor”.
“It was surreal,” said lead singer Andy Callaghan, still blinking from the sudden exposure to stage lights and genuine admiration. “One bloke offered me his Adidas Gazelles and asked me to sign his dog.”
The band, which has allegedly been together for 11 years, roughly three times longer than Oasis lasted without throwing maracas at each other says they were discovered while performing at Silverstone, presumably next to a burger van and the world’s loudest portable generator.
Wembley officials, suffering a brief bout of tinnitus and existential dread, offered the band a spot on all six dates of the Oasis Live 25 tour. “We thought they were roadies at first,” confessed one official. “But then they played ‘Town Called Malice’ and we realised they were just very loud fans with instruments.”
Despite the early morning drives back to Middleton to resume their real jobs, namely IT consultant, PE teacher, retired drummer turned Tesco delivery driver, and ‘guitarist’ the band insists the memories will live forever, or at least until their next gig at The Dog & Sprocket.
“We even got asked to turn it down,” Andy said with pride, “because people a mile away could hear us. Which is pretty standard in Middleton, to be honest. Most band practices are heard in Rochdale.”
With two final Wembley dates looming in September, the MiddleTones are preparing emotionally, spiritually, and via the purchase of bulk Imodium.
Rumours are already swirling that the band might get their own reunion tour in 2047, provided they split up first. Wembley staff have confirmed earplugs will be on sale, just in case.
