Serving soldiers, veterans and confused cadets in oversized berets to be honoured with free passage aboard the sacred yellow buses of remembrance.
Greater Manchester has announced it will be commemorating the nation’s military heroes this Remembrance season in the most sacred way imaginable: by letting them ride the bus for free, just as long as they remember to carry three forms of military ID, a poppy, and perhaps an affidavit from their commanding officer.
Transport for Greater Manchester (TfGM), not known for delivering people on time, will pause trams at 11am on both Remembrance Sunday (November 9) and Armistice Day (Tuesday, November 11) in a solemn moment of silence and logistical bewilderment. Regular passengers are advised to stand still, look reverent, and try not to complain about being late to Greggs.
Free travel is being offered on Bee Network buses and trams for veterans, current service members, and anyone who can convincingly impersonate a cadet without being arrested. Cadets in uniform may also travel free, provided they survive the judgemental stares of teenagers who haven’t seen a parade since the Queen died.
Vernon Everitt, GM’s Transport Commissioner, said: “This is our small way of saying thank you to those who’ve served.” Sources confirm this small way will not include seats, working heating, or reliable service to the outlying zones, but “it’s the thought that counts.”
Poppy wreaths will ride the Lancashire Fusiliers tram, which is expected to remain stoic and silent unless the speaker system breaks again and starts blurting out Metrolink jingles mid-eulogy.
Danny Vaughan, TfGM’s Chief Network Officer and part-time Human Delay Noticeboard, reminded passengers to “allow plenty of time to get to your destination,” which is TfGM code for “we don’t know either, mate, but good luck.”
Trams will be suspended through St Peter’s Square on Sunday between 10am and 1pm, giving city centre commuters a rare opportunity to reflect deeply, mostly on why they didn’t just walk.
Critics have gently pointed out that while it’s lovely to honour veterans, it would be even more lovely if services were functional on the other 363 days of the year. TfGM responded by reminding everyone that heritage is important, and besides, the tram announcements now come with a vaguely noble trumpet flourish.
For now, Rochdale salutes its servicemen and women by ensuring their Remembrance journeys are entirely fare-free, slightly circuitous, and possibly interrupted by a man dressed as a clown from last week’s crime report.
