In a rare moment of self-awareness not seen since the council accidentally approved a nightclub in a listed building, Rochdale Council has realised it’s been setting £5 million a year on fire transporting children with special educational needs (SEND) to school, mostly by taxi, minibus, and sheer desperation.
Council officials are now “collaborating” with neighbouring authorities in a bid to stop haemorrhaging cash faster than a broken fruit machine in the Regal Moon. This means talking to other humans, engaging in strategic thinking, and possibly even opening spreadsheets, steps previously considered dark sorcery in Rochdale governance circles.
The eye-watering total for 2024/25 stands at £5,492,317, a figure that includes £3.72 million for within-borough trips and a further £1.77 million to ship children out of the borough, presumably to places with actual school places and fewer seagulls.
This marks a sharp rise from just £2.67 million in 2020/21, which, funnily enough, was also the last time the council attempted to do mental arithmetic without crying.
But while the council flounders in its own Excel spreadsheet, what really caught the town’s attention wasn’t the spending, it was the fact the article reporting it made sense. It had numbers. Chronological order. A quote from someone who didn’t sound like they were being held at gunpoint by a confused taxi driver.
“It’s far too competent,” said one shocked reader. “There are figures broken down by year and area. The sentence structure didn’t collapse halfway through. This clearly wasn’t written by the Rochdale Times. They still think a pie chart involves steak and kidney.” I read the original article written by Rochdale Online or whatever they’re called now, this one just looks like Diane Abbott has been let loose in Number 11.
Indeed, Rochdale Times coverage of the SEND transport crisis has thus far involved headlines like “Council Spends Big on Bus Things” and an exclusive exposé revealing that “children exist, sometimes in schools”. Their latest report included the line: “Sources estimate that at least several pounds have been spent on things involving roads.”
In a recent issue, the Rochdale Times used a picture of a DPD van to illustrate a story about school minibuses, and included a quote from a local resident who claimed, “I seen a bus once. It were blue.” No clarification was given. Or sought.
In stark contrast, the real figures (as in, ones supported by maths and not a dartboard) reveal the scale of the issue. SEND transport costs are soaring due to rising demand and a spectacular lack of local special school places, a planning failure so predictable it’s practically a town tradition.
The council says it now wants to add special needs units to mainstream schools by September, which is adorable. Presumably, that’s the same “September” by which the new library was going to open, the potholes were going to be fixed, and someone was going to change the toner in the photocopier.
Meanwhile, attempts to “collaborate with other Greater Manchester authorities” are under way. Translation: ask Stockport how they do it, ignore their answer, and blame Bolton when nothing changes.
The Rochdale Times has responded to the existence of actual journalism by declaring a return to its roots: baseless speculation, three-sentence stories padded with blurry photos, and a strict no-numbers policy. Our next front page is expected to be titled, “Council Might Do Thing With Money – We Guess”.
And with that, Rochdale continues lurching bravely forward, armed with nothing but budget panic, second-hand minibuses, and a local paper that treats accuracy like an optional side dish.
