Children in Rochdale are being strongly encouraged to ditch their phones, tablets and general reason for living for at least ten minutes next week, in the name of eye health, and definitely not because Karen from the opticians is sick of seeing kids walk into lampposts.
The campaign, part of National Eye Health Week (Sept 22–28), is being championed locally by Paul Cheethams Opticians, where practice manager Karen Peel has bravely declared war on screen time by calling for an 8:20pm “screen amnesty”, a concept children are already describing as “eye terrorism.”
“Half of all sight loss is avoidable,” warned Karen, “but only if children stop staring at Fortnite, Roblox, and videos of people unboxing slime.”
According to research (and at least one angry parent group), kids staring at screens for hours on end are at risk of developing “screen fatigue,” which is like normal fatigue but with worse Wi-Fi. Symptoms include irritated eyes, blurry vision, headaches, and, in extreme cases, asking someone to repeat something they just said because you were reading subtitles for a TikTok video of a dog doing taxes.
The opticians recommend the 20-20-20 rule, looking 20 feet away for 20 seconds every 20 minutes, which will also give you time to ponder the decline of modern civilisation and the fact your child just referred to a book as “that paper Netflix.”
National Eye Health Week will also include themed days focusing on different aspects of visual survival, such as “sports vision” (for spotting the ball you’ve just been hit with), “eyes at work” (if anyone still does that), and “ageing eyes” (just wait, kids, your turn is coming).
The public is also being encouraged to eat more vegetables, stop smoking, and generally live like someone who’s trying to live past 40, a big ask for anyone whose main form of exercise is blinking.
Reporting from down the M62, we advise parents to prepare for the inevitable chaos that follows taking a screen off a child: wailing, rage, and the eventual rediscovery of actual toys. All in the name of better eyesight, and Karen’s unflinching belief that no child should go blind staring at a cat filter.
