Plans are afoot to flatten what may be Rochdale’s last standing barn and replace it with nine red-brick opportunities for “sustainable living,” which, as usual, means “nowhere to park on bin day.”
Ginnell Farm on Broad Lane, a charmingly derelict cluster of crumbling sheds, collapsing greenhouses, and enough asbestos to qualify as a UNESCO site, has been identified as the missing jigsaw piece in Rochdale’s decades-long effort to turn every square inch of soil into semi-detached housing.
Developers want to bulldoze six buildings, including a red-brick bungalow, triple garage and at least two structures last used when sheep outnumbered broadband routers. In their place: nine lovingly identical homes, all featuring two storeys, red bricks, concrete tile roofs, and the kind of design aesthetic one might describe as “2004 Barratt Homes starter kit.”
Eight will be semi-detached, because apparently no one has told Rochdale that the ’90s are over, and one bold outlier will be detached, possibly to house whichever councillor manages to approve this without laughing.
Access will be via Broad Lane and Ginnell Farm Avenue, with each home getting two parking spaces, which sounds generous until someone tries owning a third car, a van, or an opinion.
Planners insist the new development will “integrate sympathetically with the area,” though critics argue that planting a few token trees and slapping up a hedgerow does not technically count as ecological restoration.
There are also plans for an acoustic barrier to protect residents from the M62’s relentless white noise of articulated lorries, swearing, and regret, possibly the most honest amenity on offer.
Northern Planners have assured the council that the development will not cause “detrimental harm to heritage assets,” presumably because those assets have already been bulldozed in previous “sustainable” projects.
Local reaction has been muted, mostly because residents are still trying to figure out where Ginnell Farm actually is, and whether it’s the one with the terrifying shed or the other one with the foxes.
Reporting from down the M62, we await confirmation on whether this is the final piece of Rochdale’s housing jigsaw, or just the bit you pretend you lost when you realise it’s mostly beige.
