Councillor Jordan Tarrant-Short, Rochdale’s Reform Party frontman and serial political speed-dater, has come under fire for allegedly donning a “diversity voice” while recruiting a Black resident to prove he’s not racist, despite sounding like a malfunctioning sat-nav programmed by Lenny Henry in 2003.
In what witnesses describe as “a deeply confusing performance”, Tarrant-Short reportedly addressed David, a local man quietly minding his business near Middleton’s McDonalds, with phrases like “safe, my bruv” and “we vibe on policy, innit”, all delivered in a tone best described as BBC Three documentary presenter having a stroke whilst wearing hi-vis.
“He sounded like he’d swallowed a GCSE Sociology textbook and washed it down with a pint of GB News,” said one horrified onlooker, who fled the scene mid-awkward fist bump.
But the controversy doesn’t end there. Critics say the Reform leader’s wardrobe, an unholy blend of polyester blazers, discount tan brogues from Rochdale’s very own Matalan never-ending closing down sale, and what appears to be a permanently confused cravat, has now reached such offensively poor levels that questions are being asked in Rochdale’s LGBTQ+ community.
“He’s gay?” asked one local drag queen, recoiling. “With those suits? He should be forced to return his gay membership card and do a fashion penance in TK Maxx.”
Tarrant-Short, who has flitted between more political affiliations than Brexit slogans, insists he was merely “connecting with constituents on a real level”. Sources close to the councillor say he’s also been spotted practising slang in front of a mirror and asking Alexa “how do cool successful people talk?”
David, the bewildered Black resident at the centre of the incident, says he thought it was a hidden camera show until Tarrant-Short handed him a Reform leaflet with the slogan “It’s giving inclusive. No cap.”
Reform Rochdale has not yet commented, although a hastily deleted tweet from their account, which is managed by an imaginary communications team, read: “We don’t see colour. Only matching accessories.”
Reporting from down the M62, where accents are natural and style still matters, this is Rochdale Times, you know the media outlet from Warrington, bruv.
