Criminal mastermind undone by 2008 Vauxhall’s one functional feature
In what police have described as a “terrifying and deliberate attack,” an arsonist’s attempt to burn down a Littleborough family home was foiled by the one thing modern society usually tries to ignore: a car alarm.
The incident took place in the early hours of September 6, when a family’s car was set ablaze on their driveway in Cleggswood Avenue. The flames licked hungrily at the front of the house as the vehicle’s alarm blared into the night, waking a mother, her child, and presumably every dog within a three-mile radius.
“The alarm saved their lives,” confirmed DC Mel Jeffery. “It’s the first recorded instance in Greater Manchester of a car alarm actually doing something useful.”
The family escaped unhurt, along with their pets, who are believed to be under heavy sedation following their unexpected 1.15am audition for Escape from Alcatraz.
A 42-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of stalking and conspiracy to commit arson, two charges that sound like they should be issued in a courtroom run by Agatha Christie and Satan. He has since been bailed, presumably with a stern warning not to light anything else on fire unless it’s a scented candle and he’s being supervised by his nan.
Greater Manchester Police are now appealing to the public for information, especially from the occupants of a vehicle seen leaving the scene via Hollingworth Road, who may or may not be accomplices, witnesses, or just hopelessly lost Waze users.
“This could have ended in absolute tragedy,” added Jeffery. “Instead, it ended in scorched brickwork, mild hysteria, and a family now committed to sleeping in flame-retardant onesies.”
Residents have been asked to check CCTV, dashcam footage, and any psychic visions they may have had between the hours of 1:00 and 2:00am on September 6. Police stress that no detail is too small, unless it’s a vague hunch involving someone named “Gaz”.
Meanwhile, the traumatised family is recovering with the aid of neighbours, support services, and possibly the knowledge that, for once, their car alarm did something other than make the entire street hate them.
Reporting from down the M62, we at the Rochdale Times urge readers: if you hear a car alarm in the night, it might not just be a fox, it might be someone trying to turn your Citroën into a fireball of unresolved vendettas.
