A Rochdale New Year’s Eve bash ended in the sort of light-hearted mischief that typically involves multiple stab wounds, a cover-up involving radiator-based knife storage, and at least one person being legally declared deceased.
The incident, which took place on Essex Street, descended into chaos after 31-year-old Hassan Suliman allegedly mistook a festive disagreement for a fencing competition, leaving 38-year-old Alberto Ursu fatally injured. Police say both men sustained wounds, though only one tragically missed the traditional resolution of “stay alive until January 2nd”.
Hostess Karla Pokutova, 29, was convicted of perverting the course of justice, which in Rochdale apparently now includes hiding murder weapons behind your radiator like they’re Christmas presents you regret buying. CCTV captured her delicately fingering the blade before asking a witness to keep the whole thing hush-hush, presumably to maintain the vibes of what had been a thoroughly ruined party.
Greater Manchester Police’s Major Incident Team said they pieced the night together using forensic evidence, CCTV, and the uniquely reliable testimony of several people who’d been drinking WKD since 6pm. The result: one manslaughter conviction, one obstruction conviction, and one ruined set of radiator panels.
“This case outlines the devastation of knife crime,” said Detective Inspector Paul Davies, presumably while wondering how many more New Year’s he’ll spend stepping over party balloons and bloodstains. “One man has lost his life and another will be sentenced to a long stretch, possibly missing several episodes of Strictly.”
Suliman has been remanded in custody until sentencing on November 14, where he will likely receive a sentence that takes into account both the brutality of the attack and the fact that Rochdale has already had quite enough bad press this decade.
Pokutova remains free on bail and is expected to spend his time wisely, possibly working on more discreet methods of evidence storage. Perhaps under the sofa cushions next time.
In unrelated news, Rochdale Council has announced its intention to host a “Knife-Free New Year’s” party next December, promising live music, food stalls, and only light maiming.
