In a radical departure from the traditional method of regeneration via shadowy consortiums and the whims of property developers named Tristan, Middleton has decided to let people who actually live there have a say in its future. The scandalous move was launched with much fanfare, existential dread, and Steve Coogan.
The event, held at the Old School Rooms (a building last updated when Blackpool was considered exotic), saw celebrity locals, musicians, and politicians converge in a blaze of optimism not seen since the Arndale got a second Greggs. Actor Steve Coogan, born and possibly conceived in Middleton, delivered a rousing speech calling for power to shift away from ‘extractive big business’, though presumably not the big businesses that fund his documentaries.
“This is their project,” Coogan insisted, gesturing vaguely at the audience, a man in a Liam Gallagher parka, and someone who once met Bez in a car park. “We want shiny buildings, but also, like, shiny lives or whatever.”
Joining him was Rose Marley, who promised a revolution in town planning via co-operative principles. This means decisions will no longer be made in beige-carpeted rooms by people with LinkedIn headshots, but instead by normal Middleton folk with strong opinions and even stronger brews.
Mayor Andy Burnham, having temporarily stopped crying about buses, despite being late on one, declared Middleton a key player in Greater Manchester’s “good growth” agenda, a term which presumably means ‘growth without tears’. He condemned past approaches that offered only “low-wage, low-skill jobs” to towns like Middleton, as though this were somehow a bad thing for the zero-hours contracts industry.
The leader of Rochdale Council, Neil Emmott, described the event as “electric”, which may have just been a faulty plug socket near the buffet. Emmott, known for surviving Rochdale politics without resorting to interpretive dance, is backing the vision, presumably because nobody wants to be the councillor who stood in the way of Steve Coogan and a utopia made from breeze blocks and dreams.
Residents have been invited to contribute via a survey on a website that doesn’t look like it was made in 2003, marking further evidence that the future might actually be happening. The plan is to create the UK’s first Mayoral Development Corporation built on co-operative ideals and the fading hope that this time, just maybe, it won’t all end up as a retail park and a Costa.
Reporting from down the M62, with a biro nicked from the event’s press table, this is your loyal correspondent watching Middleton dare to dream, and possibly queue for a Waitrose.
